Butt worshipper

wackyshenanigans:

i have never seen a post with a plot twist like this before

This is the exact mix of wonderful and awful parenting I expect most tumblr users will display in later life.

(Source: sandpit-life, via hetalianvodka)

bananagirlworld16:

okay but why don’t more people talk about Night at the Museum like

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poc characters and people being portrayed by poc people

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this movie is so good

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and it has one of the funniest, best, most ridiculous friendships in movie history

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and you have Robin Williams as Teddy Roosevelt I mean

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and if all that didn’t convince you there’s also a t-Rex skeleton that plays fetch with one of its own ribs

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THIS MOVIE

(via aphondakiku)

drunkfeferi:

a quick guide to baby etiquette 

Reblogging again since it is now cold season and, despite the fact that you would think this is common sense, I still have to ask strangers to please stop touching my daughter literally every time we go out. Please remember that what we view as a simple cold can actually put some babies in the hospital!

(via hoserfucker)

freckleddolphin:

catswithcupcakes:

protectorward:

shieldshawk:

yourdearestwatson:

skullandridingcrop:

ausmetallen:

goldenheartedrose:

 
High up on my inner thigh. I’m thinking some sort of sexual act. I mean. I can’t think of many other ways that kind of thing would happen.

Everywhere. Literally everywhere.

My birthmark is a tiny spot on my armpit….

Mine is on my shoulder, might have been shot. 

On my back, over my heart. Little round dot.

On my lip????

M

I must have took an arrow to the knee then

freckleddolphin:

catswithcupcakes:

protectorward:

shieldshawk:

yourdearestwatson:

skullandridingcrop:

ausmetallen:

goldenheartedrose:

 

High up on my inner thigh. I’m thinking some sort of sexual act. I mean. I can’t think of many other ways that kind of thing would happen.

Everywhere. Literally everywhere.

My birthmark is a tiny spot on my armpit….

Mine is on my shoulder, might have been shot. 

On my back, over my heart. Little round dot.

On my lip????

M

I must have took an arrow to the knee then

(Source: daydreamerofnightmares, via aphprussia)

trickortreatingcas:

lucifer-rising-demon:

castiel-and-meg:

lucifer-who:

shadows-of-a-fallen-angel:

bloody-men-with-blue-eyes:

bripixiemonster:

lurea:

So here’s the thing:  Crowley is clearly demonic.  He was a son of a witch in 18th century Scotland, sold his soul, died, went to hell…Became a demon and then became King of Hell.

But he also had a ‘thing’ with Naomi in Mesopotamia.   Sooooo…couldn’t he be a fallen angel like Anna?  I mean, how did she know what to do?  Someone had to do it first, right?

So, Crowley…  You were an angel.  Became disaffected.  Ripped out your Grace.  Fell.  Was reborn as a human.  Learned magic.  Sold your soul.  Died, went to Hell and became a demon.  

And at some point, recovered all your memories.  Cool. 

I’m just going to leave this here.

WELL THAT EXPLAINS WHY MARK SAID THAT MAYBE CROWLEY WASN’T REALLY A DEMON

also remember when he tortured samandriel he could understand enochian

Also, he probably wanted a bigger dick because he didn’t know what the right size was, being an angel for his entire lifetime.

And remember when he went into Sam to warn him about Gadreel - how his smoke was red rather than black? Or how, when Crowley took over hell, he changed it from all the torture, to the souls just standing in long, orderly lines: isn’t order one of the things angels really adore?

Can we please get the writers on this meta.. I want Crowley to end up being an angel demon hybrid thing on the show now…

(Source: deathsdaleks, via fury-of-the-seventh)

thelastsworld:

orchu:

drag it! 

EEEEEEE! Drag it Drag IT!

thelastsworld:

orchu:

drag it! 

EEEEEEE! Drag it Drag IT!

(via wrenigan)

existential-nothingness:

monobeartheater:

hetalianbae:

tom-sits-like-a-whore:

benot-may:

piikopoko:

you were either a winx 

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or a w.i.t.c.h

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I was totally a spy

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i was aLL THREE

was this the old superwholock? 

the old superwholock? Nah these shows all have examples of POC and well written diverse woman who do not rely on men to build their character

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(via spoopy-pruitatrash)

(I work the floor at an independently-owned menswear store. The owner, my boss, spends a lot of time at the shop, and tries to keep prices as low as possible to help our city’s large homeless population get good job interview clothes. A clearly homeless man is wandering around the store. The other patrons are giving him looks.)

Customer: “Excuse me, sir?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “I think you may want to call security. That… bum over there, he keeps feeling the suits and muttering to himself. I’m just sure he’s planning to steal one.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I think that’s quite unlikely.”

Customer: “Oh, come on, you know how they are! I mean, I’d keep an eye on him even if he wasn’t homeless!”

(The homeless man in question happens to be Hispanic.)

Me: “We don’t discriminate here, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, I’m sure the owner would want to hear about this!”

(I give in and call him over. The customer explains her concerns. As a black man, my boss isn’t happy with her racism, but agrees to talk to the homeless man.)

Owner: “Excuse me, sir, are you finding what you need?”

Homeless Man: “Well, not really. I’m hoping for something versatile in a dark or navy wool, but most of the options in my size are cut American style instead of European, which fits me a little better. Not to mention they’re all pinstriped, which I really don’t have the build for, you know?”

Owner: “I… yes, I understand. I think we may have some options over here, if you’ll follow me. How did you know all that?”

Homeless Man: “Back before I lost my job, I used to be really into this stuff. I’m not looking for anything fancy, just something I can use to look good for a job interview later today.”

(My boss helps him find something he likes, and comes to the counter with him. The suit is priced at $87.)

Homeless Man: *digging in his pockets* “Hang on, I think I’ve got enough.”

Owner: *to me* “Take my card. I’m buying it for him.” *to the homeless man* “Here. The suit’s yours, on one condition. After your interview today, you come back and apply for a job here too. Got it?”

Homeless Man: “I… oh my God, thank you. Thank you so much.”

(Two years later, that formerly-homeless man is my manager, and has a little girl with his new wife—the owner’s sister.)

aphrussiya:

i’ve been wanting to draw them all as dogs for a really long time.. …… but i never got around to it until now. they’re all dogs from their respective countries (except for america and england, i kind of cheated because labs are from canada and corgis are from wales oops)

aphrussiya:

i’ve been wanting to draw them all as dogs for a really long time.. …… but i never got around to it until now. they’re all dogs from their respective countries (except for america and england, i kind of cheated because labs are from canada and corgis are from wales oops)

(via marukaitecheckinyouout)

your-scottish-soulmate:

if you didn’t tear up here you’re lying

(via homestucktrashcan)

inspirationalhetalia:

aph england is the best fashion deal bc he comes in 2-for-1 styles:

'fuck u mum it's not a phase it's who i am' punk

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and ‘get off my lawn u meddling nations’ grandpa aesthetic

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(via sconesandtea100)

carrotcatmd:

STORY:On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. I have a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure with the $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about irritating anyone for trying to break a $50 bill. Me: ‘Hi, I’d like one seven-layer burrito please, to go.’ Server: ‘That’ll be $1.04. Eat in?’ Me: ‘No, it’s to go.’ At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny. Server: ‘Uh, hang on a sec, I’ll be right back.’ He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot.The following conversation occurs between the two of them:Server: ‘Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?’ Manager: ‘No. A what?’ Server: ‘A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me…’ Manager: ‘Ask for something else. There’s no such thing as a $2 bill.’ Server: ‘Yeah, thought so.’ He comes back to me and says, ‘We don’t take these.Do you have anything else?’ Me: ‘Just this fifty. You don’t take $2 bills? Why? Server: ‘I don’t know.’ Me: ‘See here where it says legal tender?’ Server: ‘Yeah.’ Me: ‘So, why won’t you take it?’ Server: ‘Well, hang on a sec.’ He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I’m a shoplifter, and says to him, ‘He says I have to take it.’Manager: ‘Doesn’t he have anything else?’ Server: ‘Yeah, a fifty. I’ll get it and you can open the safe and get change. Manager: ‘I’m not opening the safe with him in here.’ Server: ‘What should I do?’ Manager: ‘Tell him to come back later when he has real money.’ Server: ‘I can’t tell him that! You tell him.’ Manager: ‘Just tell him.’ Server: ‘No way! This is weird. I’m going in back. The manager approaches me and says, ‘I’m sorry, but we don’t take big bills this time of night.’Me: ‘It’s only seven o’clock! Well then, here’s a two dollar bill.’ Manager: ‘We don’t take those, either.’ Me: ‘Why not?’ Manager: ‘I think you know why.’ Me: ‘No really, tell me why.’ Manager ‘Please leave before I call mall security.’ Me: ‘Excuse me?’ Manager: ‘Please leave before I call mall security.’ Me: ‘What on earth for?’ Manager: ‘Please, sir..’ Me: ‘Uh, go ahead, call them.’ Manager: ‘Would you please just leave?’ Me: ‘No.’ Manager: ‘Fine — have it your way then.’ Me: ‘Hey, that’s Burger King, isn’t it?’ At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect.A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in. Guard: ‘Yeah, Mike, what’s up?’ Manager (whispering): ‘This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money.’ Guard: ‘No kidding! What?’ Manager: ‘Get this. A two dollar bill.’ Guard (incredulous): ‘Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?’ Manager: ‘I don’t know. He’s kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty.’ Guard: ‘Oh, so the fifty’s fake!’ Manager: ‘No, the two dollar bill is.’ Guard: ‘Why would he fake a two dollar bill?’ Manager : ‘I don’t know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?’ Guard: ‘Yeah.’Security Guard walks over to me and……Guard: ‘Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you’re trying to use.’ Me: ‘Uh, no.’ Guard: ‘Lemme see ‘em.’ Me: ‘Why?’ Guard: ‘Do you want me to get the cops in here?’ At this point I’m ready to say, ‘Sure, please!’ but I want to eat, so I say, ‘I’m just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill. I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I’m taking a swing at him. He takes the bill turns it over a few times in his hands, and he says, Guard: ‘Hey, Mike, what’s wrong with this bill?’ Manager: ‘It’s fake.’ Guard: ‘It doesn’t look fake to me.’ Manager: ‘But it’s a two dollar bill.’ Guard: ‘Yeah? ‘ Manager: ‘Well, there’s no such thing, is there?’ The security guard and I both look at him like he’s an idiot and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue and is an idiot. So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too.Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. 

carrotcatmd:

STORY:

On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. 

I have a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure with the $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about irritating anyone for trying to break a $50 bill. 

Me: ‘Hi, I’d like one seven-layer burrito please, to go.’ Server: ‘That’ll be $1.04. Eat in?’ 
Me: ‘No, it’s to go.’ At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny. 
Server: ‘Uh, hang on a sec, I’ll be right back.’ He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot.

The following conversation occurs between the two of them:

Server: ‘Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?’ 
Manager: ‘No. A what?’ 
Server: ‘A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me…’ 
Manager: ‘Ask for something else. There’s no such thing as a $2 bill.’ 
Server: ‘Yeah, thought so.’ 

He comes back to me and says, ‘We don’t take these.

Do you have anything else?’ 

Me: ‘Just this fifty. You don’t take $2 bills? Why? 
Server: ‘I don’t know.’ 
Me: ‘See here where it says legal tender?’ 
Server: ‘Yeah.’ 
Me: ‘So, why won’t you take it?’ 
Server: ‘Well, hang on a sec.’ 

He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I’m a shoplifter, and says to him, ‘He says I have to take it.’

Manager: ‘Doesn’t he have anything else?’ 
Server: ‘Yeah, a fifty. I’ll get it and you can open the safe and get change. 
Manager: ‘I’m not opening the safe with him in here.’ 
Server: ‘What should I do?’ 
Manager: ‘Tell him to come back later when he has real money.’ 
Server: ‘I can’t tell him that! You tell him.’ 
Manager: ‘Just tell him.’ 
Server: ‘No way! This is weird. I’m going in back. 

The manager approaches me and says, ‘I’m sorry, but we don’t take big bills this time of night.’

Me: ‘It’s only seven o’clock! Well then, here’s a two dollar bill.’ 
Manager: ‘We don’t take those, either.’ 
Me: ‘Why not?’ 
Manager: ‘I think you know why.’ 
Me: ‘No really, tell me why.’ 
Manager ‘Please leave before I call mall security.’ 
Me: ‘Excuse me?’ 
Manager: ‘Please leave before I call mall security.’ 
Me: ‘What on earth for?’ 
Manager: ‘Please, sir..’ 
Me: ‘Uh, go ahead, call them.’ 
Manager: ‘Would you please just leave?’ 
Me: ‘No.’ 
Manager: ‘Fine — have it your way then.’ 
Me: ‘Hey, that’s Burger King, isn’t it?’ 

At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect.

A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in. 

Guard: ‘Yeah, Mike, what’s up?’ 
Manager (whispering): ‘This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money.’ 
Guard: ‘No kidding! What?’ 
Manager: ‘Get this. A two dollar bill.’ 
Guard (incredulous): ‘Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?’ 
Manager: ‘I don’t know. He’s kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty.’ 
Guard: ‘Oh, so the fifty’s fake!’ 
Manager: ‘No, the two dollar bill is.’ 
Guard: ‘Why would he fake a two dollar bill?’ 
Manager : ‘I don’t know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?’ 
Guard: ‘Yeah.’


Security Guard walks over to me and……

Guard: ‘Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you’re trying to use.’ 
Me: ‘Uh, no.’ 
Guard: ‘Lemme see ‘em.’ 
Me: ‘Why?’ 
Guard: ‘Do you want me to get the cops in here?’ 

At this point I’m ready to say, ‘Sure, please!’ but I want to eat, so I say, ‘I’m just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill. I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I’m taking a swing at him. He takes the bill turns it over a few times in his hands, and he says, 

Guard: ‘Hey, Mike, what’s wrong with this bill?’ 
Manager: ‘It’s fake.’ 
Guard: ‘It doesn’t look fake to me.’ 
Manager: ‘But it’s a two dollar bill.’ 
Guard: ‘Yeah? ‘ 
Manager: ‘Well, there’s no such thing, is there?’ 

The security guard and I both look at him like he’s an idiot and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue and is an idiot. So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too.

Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. 

(via emilythetigerneko)

iseeavoice:

therainbowgorilla:

qalaba:

iseeavoice:

A human getting pissed at their vampire boyfriend so they put in a silver sterling tongue stud and bracelets and earrings and their vampire boyfriend is just standing five feet away like “babe. c’mon.”


Vampire: “The fair is in town, maybe a date will help…”

human spends the whole time in the hall of mirrors

#AREYOUSERIOUS

WE HAVE A NEW WINNER.

(Source: iseeaghoul, via maidin-sioc)